From Kimi's heart

And the storm came ...

The wind was going . . . blowing so hard that the coconut trees outside our apartment, our backyard, were sideways now.  The leaves were flying hard and even coming off.  Looked like a tornado outside, but w/ the rain, it was a little more daunting.

 . . . then the jokes and laughter faded . . . like our hope for our people without good homes . . . we couldn’t even imagine it, but the winds got stronger and the rain came faster and harder . . . and without the roof on our spartment, the noise of outside was sooo loud and scary for the first time. 

The rain was so hard, the ceiling was . . .  how do you call it . . . morag thumping?  No . . . it just looked like it was gonna cave in on us . . . I was legitimately scared the roof was gonna fall . . .

We were singing, while the storm was pretty strong, sometimes it was even hard to hear each other singing . . . it was sooo loud . . .

. . . but then it started raining again, so we went back inside . . . then came round 2 . . . way worse than the first time. 

So we go to investigate upstairs and open the door to our bedroom . . . OH MY GOSH!  There was a HUGE river of water from the ceiling!  Multiple leaks w/ a LOT of water coming down.  It was getting EVERYTHING wet . . .

rain still coming in through the glassless window in the kitchen . . . so I looked outside to see how bad it was and saw that the water was almost to the bottom of the window  . .  ok, maybe a foot away, but depending on how long it’d be raining, it could come into our apartment   . . . that was very scary . . .

. . . just waiting out the beast, siguro the worst  thing that’s ever happened to the 4 of [us] in the apartment . . . Finally the storm let out and stopped . . . we waited a little inside cuz we weren’t sure if there was naa pa or not . . . but when we finally did go outside . . . grabe, it was bad. 

Our home for the last almost 4 months was totally wrecked and almost unrecognizable . . . not good, not good L  It was like a Super bad tornado, but tons of water.  Everyone was just walking cuz there was no way vehicles could make it through the streets . . . And now we could see on a bigger scale how bad everything was . . . Ormoc City was definitely not – the – same . . .

we walked to the church.  Something we hadn’t done in weeks, maybe even months, and it’s a lot further than I thought, especially since we were carrying such heavy sorrow in our hearts as we walked past people’s houses na urla and broken buildings . . . such a terrible , yet so not real, sight to behold. 

good to see people ok and, yes, even happy as only Philippinos could be when they have nothing but the few things they brought w/ them the day before the storm. 

. . . so it was about 8 we went to sleep, but could still hear outside stuff like airplanes and other stuff . . . w/o fans it was hot and we got attacked by mosquitos, but I guess we finally drifted off . . . didn’t get up til about 6 or 6:30 and then remembered why we were sleeping where we were, and it kinda hit me again that we just survived a huge monster typhoon that not everybody in our area survived . . . very sobering thought . . .

The city was so sad to see . . .everything just felt like unreal and scripted, like this was all so awesome, as in only God could have done it, AWE some, not nindot – so awesome that it was all fake and part of a movie scene that we just happened to be extras, wandering around waiting for the movie to stop playing, but that never happened . . .

This email is going to be centered on a miracle in my life, something I've learned and realized and really applied to me personally... it's about trusting in the Lord...
  So, my whole life has been pretty easy. My mom has had cancer a couple of times and that was really scary, but other than that, especially with me personally, life has been pretty easy. We never had a ton of money, but we always had enough and we were always happy.
Coming on my mission was great because it's the first time I've been away from home and it's a good chance for me to really learn about who I am and where I fit into the world. So, being away from home for the first time in my life, I worried about my family a lot. What if they needed me and I was a million miles away? How could I help them? I couldn't... but I knew that Heavenly Father answered the prayers of the righteous, and being on a mission, striving for exact obedience, I thought I was being fairly righteous... so I just prayed for them and hoped it was enough... but that still was not me personally. I mean, I love my family hanggang sa wakas, pero (to the end, but) it wasn't affecting me personally, where I stood and stuff here in the Philippines...so it was kinda hard for me to grasp it all, but I knew Heavenly Father would take care of them because they had faith and stuff. So, on goes my search for truly trusting in the Lord. This was my problem...I knew it in my head, but because nothing had ever happened to me personally where I was so lost and needed His help and guidance, I never applied it...it sounds terrible, but it was hard since nothing really bad had happened to me. But I was fine with that, because I had a good life and was always happy. But I guess I could feel that that bond wasn't as strong because I never exercised my faith in Him, because I always just tried to do things on my own, and for the most part, I had been able to get over all challenges in my life by my own efforts or with the help of my parents...my earthly parents. I never felt like I was so desperate for His help, so that didn't exactly strengthen my trust in Him, just because of my weaknesses ...
  But He always has a different plan for us than we would have chosen, so that's good, because if I was in charge of my life, I would not pick the same experiences to go through...so, I came on my mission, hoping everything would be ok, and it was. Good trainer, good (same) follow up...but then that day we got the text of the approaching super typhoon... things changed a little...I was still relying on myself and I was fine. During the storm, things got a little scary, but I was fine physically. I thought I was fine emotionally, but that wasn't as so as I thought...while we were sitting in our apartment after the storm, I realized something...this was the first time in my life that I had no idea what would become of me. What would happen to me as a missionary? Where would we go? Did we have to go home? Questions came to my mind with no answers, because I still was only relying on my own strengths, instead on Him who knew what was going to happen. So, when we found out that we needed to leave and we were headed to Manila for further instruction (passing through Cebu), it was still unreal...more like an adventure, pushing the bad that had happened to the farthest, remotest place in my brain for later assessment (hoping I'd forget it all?). But, after getting to Manila and seeing people and hearing different stories... my emotional wall that I had built up to get over what happened came crumbling down. I was a wreck. I was not ok and I couldn't stop crying and I didn't know how to get better...then with the help of heaven sent expertise, we were counseled and things made a little more sense. I was still using my brain instead of my heart, so it took longer than it should've to get over that which had happened. The night we got our re-assignments was the night of change for me. I was not doing well, but when I opened my call and read CEBU EAST MISSION... the peace that only the Prince can send came over me and I knew that was where I was supposed to go. I didn't want to leave the people I was with, but I started trusting in the Lord like never before, and things always worked out.

  My whole time in Cebu East was just a learning field...the first time I had ever been a senior companion was on that soil of Cebu, in the Eastern part of the vineyard, and the only thing that helped me with wondering if I was ruining the beginning of this sister's mission was the fact that when I started to trust in Him, He helped me get over things and helped me help her, so we learned from each other and grew together. Then I got the call that we were coming back... heart beating fast, my president read the list of names going back the following week...and mine was read. I couldn't help the tears from coming. I didn't really understand why we had to keep leaving people that we loved and wanted to keep helping. But, the new theme of my life kept giving me peace..."Just trust me"  was what I kept feeling He was saying to me. So I did...the day after I knew I was coming back to the Tacloban Mission, I stopped worrying about where we were going, who our companions would be, everything I couldn't control and just tried my best to trust in Him who knew all the answers. Coming back to the place that we left so long ago, yet so recently too, was such a unique experience. We knew what this people went through, we were with them when it happened...and, with my new found application of trust in my life, no matter what befell us, I was always ready. New companion? Ok, I can learn from her. Can't work in our area because there's no apartment, so stay in another area? Good, more people to love and share the gospel with (also a good place to grow in our ability to talk to everyone on the street about the truth they were lacking in their lives). Sick companion/no work? Fine, time to ponder about my Savior and how He can help me become more like Him. In every aspect of my life and missionary work since coming back to the best mission in the world, I have started to trust in Him. The change in my life has been amazing! I have more hope for my family, my sister, my area, and with my trust more securely in Him, I know things will work out, even if our mission has had some crazy things happen to it. I appreciate the fact that even amongst terrible circumstances; I can learn a lifelong skill and apply it to my life. I am not perfect and sometimes I think I can do it all on my own, but for the most part, I have learned to trust in Him, although I can't see Him, I can feel Him ever closer, and that's what makes more of a difference. To me, my learning to trust, something I was never good at before, is a miracle, and only came because Heavenly Father, in His Almighty power, changed nature to teach us the lessons we needed to learn. Although I would not have chosen at the beginning of my mission to be where I was, I am glad He inspires my leaders and they put me where I need to be. I will always trust Him now...
  I hope that what has been shared has only helped and encouraged the reader. Thank you again for this opportunity to express the miracles I've seen in my mission.

~Sister Kimi Adasme, Philippine Tacloban Missionary Missionary for life